When Love Feels Like a Trap. Inside a Couple’s Double Bind

It starts with the quiet.
The space between words grows heavier, and suddenly the air feels thick. You want to be close, but you’re not sure how to get there without sounding too needy, too much. So you say nothing, hoping the silence will pull the other in.

It doesn’t.

The stillness turns into distance, and distance turns into panic. You reach for connection by asking a question, or placing your hand on theirs, but the moment you reach out, you feel the risk. What if it’s too much? What if they pull away even further?

And yet, doing nothing hurts just as much.

That’s the trap.
If you reach, you might be rejected. If you don’t, you disappear. There’s no safe place to stand.

You both feel it.
The one who reaches feels like they can never get enough. The one who steps back feels like they can never give enough. The more one pushes, the more the other pulls. The more one pulls, the more the other pushes.

No one’s winning. No one’s the villain. You’re both stuck in a loop neither of you meant to create.

It’s not about who’s right. It’s about how impossible it feels to be fully yourself without losing the other.

That’s the double bind. ]Loving each other and still feeling trapped in the very closeness you’re both longing for.

Breaking Free from the Double Bind in Your Relationship

You don’t have to stay stuck in the painful cycle of feeling “damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” In couples counseling, we slow down the moments that trigger the push-pull dynamic so you can both see it clearly. Together, we uncover how these patterns began, often in earlier relationships, and learn new ways to connect without losing yourself.

I help couples who feel trapped in their relationship rebuild trust, deepen emotional safety, and create a connection where both love and freedom can exist side-by-side.

If you’ve been searching for help with relationship conflict, emotional distance, or feeling stuck in your marriage or partnership, therapy can be the place where the cycle finally changes.

You can have closeness without losing yourself. You can have love without the trap.