Why This Song Still Finds Me Every December

I was listening to A Long December the other day while I was working, and something in it stopped me for a moment. It wasn’t dramatic, just that familiar pull the song seems to have this time of year. There’s an emotional truth inside it that finds me every December, no matter how many years pass.

It’s not just nostalgia.
It’s not just the season.
It’s the way this song manages to hold so many human experiences at once:
the ache of distance, the sting of regret, the weight of another long year, and the quiet, almost reluctant hope that things can shift.

Every time I hear it, I’m reminded of the emotional landscapes we carry, the parts of us that feel worn down, the moments we wish we could redo, the shame or guilt we tuck away, the relationships where distance grew in the spaces we weren’t paying attention to. And also the longing… for reconnection, for softness, for something warmer than what we’ve been living in.

So this December, I wanted to spend a little time with the themes the song brings up for me, not to dissect it, but to sit with the emotional honesty it invites. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing short reflections on some of these themes: the accumulation of the year, the grief that resurfaces in winter, the drift that happens inside relationships, the quiet hope that refuses to disappear, and the seasonal cycles we move through as humans.

If you read one post or all of them, my hope is that something in this series helps you pause, breathe, and reflect on your own story from this past year. Not with pressure, and not with judgment, but with the kind of gentle honesty this song seems to call out in all of us.

Sometimes we need a moment of reflection.
Sometimes we need a song.
And sometimes we need a reminder that it’s okay to begin again.

Surviving the Holidays When You’re Already Running Low

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that shows up this time of year.
Not the kind that sleep fixes.
The kind that comes from months of carrying responsibilities, emotions, deadlines, and relationships that needed more of you than you actually had to give.

Then the holidays arrive with their pressure and pace and expectations.
Gatherings. Traditions. Decisions. Family dynamics.
And suddenly you are supposed to be available, cheerful, flexible, grateful, and present.

But what if you are already tired.
What if you are entering the season already stretched thin.

This blog is for the people who look at the calendar and feel a mixture of dread and guilt.
The people who want to show up for their families but also feel a deep internal tug toward rest.
The people who have been holding their breath for months and feel something inside whispering that they cannot keep going the way they have been.

Let’s talk about what it feels like to enter the holidays when your energy is already low and your nervous system is tired.

1. Your body often knows before your mind admits it

When someone is running low, their body usually gives the first signs.

You might feel heavier in the mornings.
You might lose patience more quickly.
You might feel less resilient to things that usually roll off your back.
You might feel disconnected from yourself or like everything takes more effort than it should.

These are not flaws.
These are signals.
Your system is telling you it needs something different.

2. Choosing to adjust your expectations

Holiday culture builds a lot of pressure.
There is an unspoken message that says you should be everywhere, do everything, see everyone, and say yes to every request.

But if you are already running low, you do not need a bigger load.
You need permission to lower the bar.

You can decide which events matter and which ones you can skip.
You can show up differently than past years.
You can choose a smaller version of connection if a bigger version costs too much.

You are not disappointing anyone by choosing what is humanly possible for you.

3. Rest is relational, not selfish

It is easy to think that taking time for yourself is stealing time from others.
But the truth is that the people in your life benefit when you pause.
Your presence becomes steadier.
Your reactions soften.
Your emotional availability improves.

Rest is not withdrawal.
It is repair.

Your nervous system cannot run on empty and still stay open to connection.
Rest makes you more reachable.

4. You can set boundaries that protect your energy without creating distance

One of the most important skills during a low season is communicating gently and clearly.

You can say
“I care about you, and I am also feeling stretched thin. I may need some time alone here and there so I can stay grounded and show up in a way that feels real.”
or
“I am feeling stretched thin and doing this would push me past what I can handle right now.”

Boundaries do not mean you are shutting people out.
They mean you are staying connected in a way that is sustainable.

Healthy connection requires honesty.
People who care about you will want you to take the space you need.

5. Small moments of regulation can carry you through high demand seasons

When you cannot change the demands around you, small grounding practices can make a real difference.

A slow breath before you walk into a gathering.
A moment alone in the bathroom to unclench your jaw.
Five minutes in the car before going into a house.
A brief step outside to feel your feet on the ground.
A quiet check-in with yourself before saying yes.

These tiny pauses help your nervous system stay online so you do not slip into old patterns of reactivity or self abandonment.

They are not dramatic.
They are effective.

6. You are not failing if the holidays feel hard

A tired body and an overextended nervous system do not understand that it is December.
Your system responds to what it has lived through and what it still carries.

There is no shame in feeling low right now.
There is no shame in needing a softer holiday.
There is no shame in moving slower than you wish you could.

You are doing the best you can within the emotional and physical limits of a real human being.

A Benediction for the Tired

May this season meet you gently.
May you find ways to do less without feeling less.
May rest come in small but meaningful places.
May you feel supported in ways that soften the load.
And may you stay connected to the people who remind you who you truly are, even when you are running low.

Holiday Stress and Your Relationship: Why Couples Fight More This Time of Year

The holidays have a way of magnifying whatever is already happening beneath the surface… the tenderness, the joy, the pressure, the exhaustion, the unresolved conversations, the family dynamics you thought you’d outgrown.

For many couples, this season becomes the perfect storm. Suddenly you’re not just managing your day-to-day life together, you’re navigating schedules, traditions, financial strain, travel, and the emotional weight of family expectations. And all of that lands right on top of the places where the two of you are most vulnerable.

It’s Not That You’re Fighting About Nothing

Most couples tell me they’re arguing over the small things, how the schedule should go, who’s responsible for what, where you’re spending the day, who bought which gift, the tone someone used when they were tired.

But these moments are rarely about logistics.

They’re about the deeper longings underneath:

• I want to feel supported.

• I want to feel like we’re on the same team.

• I want to know my needs matter too.

• I want to feel close to you instead of alone in this.

When the season gets heavy, your nervous system gets tight. And when your nervous system gets tight, old protective patterns show up. One partner may get sharper, more controlling, or more intense. The other may shut down, withdraw, or freeze. Two different protective systems trying their best, and inadvertently bumping up against each other.

Why It Happens More During the Holidays

There are a few reasons this season hits harder:

1. Emotional overload from family dynamics
Even if you love your family, being around them often pulls you back into old roles. It’s hard to stay present with your partner when you’re also managing history.

2. Increased expectations
The holidays carry subtle pressure: to be cheerful, to host well, to “make it special,” to not disappoint anyone. Pressure rarely brings out our softest edges.

3. Fatigue and overstimulation
More plans, more people, more travel, more noise, less downtime, it’s the perfect recipe for emotional misreads and reactive moments.

4. Fewer opportunities to repair
When your schedule gets packed, the small disconnections pile up faster than you have time to address them.

The Fights Aren’t the Problem… the Disconnection Is

When couples come to me during the holidays, I’m rarely concerned about the arguments themselves. Arguments are part of relationship. What matters is how quickly you can come back into connection.

That means noticing:

• What is actually happening inside me right now?

• What am I protecting?

• What am I longing for?

• How can I reach for my partner without blaming or withdrawing?

Sometimes the most healing moment is not fixing the issue, it’s naming the tenderness underneath.

How to Stay Connected in a Season That Pulls You Apart

Here are a few grounding practices:

1. Slow the moment down
If you feel the escalation coming, pause. Even two seconds of breath can interrupt a cycle.

2. Name the need, not the flaw
“I’m overwhelmed and I need a minute,” lands differently than, “You never help.”

3. Check in before big gatherings
A simple “What do you think we’ll each need today?” can prevent a lot of hurt feelings.

4. Repair quickly and gently
You don’t have to have the perfect words. You just need a soft opening.

5. Protect your connection, not the holiday expectations
You can always change a plan. You can’t undo words spoken from overwhelm.

May your connection stay steady enough to hold the stress, flexible enough to adapt, and warm enough to remind you that you are on the same team.

Surviving Family Dynamics During the Holidays Without Losing Yourself

The holidays have a way of bringing out both the best and the hardest parts of being human. For many people, this season is not just about gatherings and gratitude. It is also about navigating old patterns, unspoken expectations, and the emotional weight that comes with returning to the places and people who shaped us.

You might feel pulled between who you are now and who your family still expects you to be. You might feel pressure to keep the peace, to be pleasant, or to take care of everyone else’s emotions. You might walk into a room and feel your body tighten without quite knowing why. These moments are not failures. They are echoes of earlier experiences that can activate stress, instinct, or self-protection.

The holidays often stir these layers because family systems have history. Certain roles, patterns, and unspoken rules show up quickly. The pull to collapse yourself to maintain harmony or avoid conflict can be strong. This is why staying connected to yourself is essential during this season.

Here are some ways to support yourself as you move through holiday dynamics:

1. Stay aware of what you feel in real time

Notice when tension hits your chest or your shoulders rise. These are signals that something is happening internally, even if the moment looks calm on the outside.

2. Give yourself permission to take space

Step outside for fresh air, take a bathroom break, or step into a quiet room for a moment. Pausing is often more effective than pushing through.

3. Limit the time you stay in activating environments

You do not have to stay from morning until night. Shortening a visit can be an act of self-respect, not avoidance.

4. Do not argue with someone’s version of you

People often interact with the memory of who you used to be. You do not need to convince them otherwise. Staying grounded in who you are today is enough.

5. Have a small plan for emotional regulation

Deep breaths, grounding techniques, a few minutes alone in your car, a calming playlist, or a friend you can text can help you re-center yourself.

6. Let your boundaries be simple and steady

You do not need long explanations. Simple statements like “I’m going to step outside for a bit” or “I won’t be staying long today” communicate plenty and keep you in integrity with yourself.

None of this is about distancing yourself from your family. It is about staying connected to yourself while you are with them. The more you honor your limits and listen to your internal signals, the more present, steady, and authentic you can be through the holiday season.

May you move through this season with support and gentleness, and with a steady connection back to yourself and to the people who keep you grounded in who you truly are.

The "SHOULDS" of Christmas: holiday expectations and stress

Christmas is the time of year where we are to be jolly, generous, and grateful. And yet, often times the holiday "shoulds" can carry stress and expectations that can leave us feeling guilty, irritable, depressed, or anything but happy. If you find yourself saying or thinking "I should..," this holiday season, here is a short article by Dr. Susan Noonan that may help. 

Dustin Shultz, LMFT. I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, speaker, and adjunct faculty at Azusahttps://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/view-the-mist/201611/holiday-expectations-and-stress Pacific University. I have experience working with teens, men, women, and couples, and have had success with people who are experiencing depression, anxiety, trauma, sexuality, divorce, affairs, cutting, grief, shame, stress, and life transitions. I help people live more authentically and embrace life.