Moving Beyond Survival: The Journey of Trauma Recovery

Trauma changes how we see ourselves, others, and the world. Whether it comes from a single event or a long history of pain, trauma leaves invisible wounds that often surface as anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, or feeling disconnected from life. But healing is possible.

Safety Comes First

Recovery begins by building a sense of safety, both internally and externally. This might mean practicing grounding skills, surrounding yourself with supportive relationships, or finding a therapist who can offer a steady and nonjudgmental presence.

The Body Remembers

Trauma doesn’t just live in memory, it lives in the body. Flashbacks, hypervigilance, and emotional numbing are not signs of weakness but the body’s attempt to protect you. Approaches like EMDR and somatic therapies help release trauma where it is stored in the nervous system.

Reclaiming Your Story

Trauma often robs people of their voice and sense of agency. In therapy, you can begin to tell your story at your own pace, reframing it from one of helplessness to one of survival and resilience.

Building a Life Beyond Trauma

The ultimate goal of healing is not simply reducing symptoms but creating a life where joy, trust, and connection are possible again. It is about moving from surviving to truly living.

Final Thought

Trauma may have shaped your past, but it doesn’t have to define your future. With compassion, support, and the right tools, you can reclaim your sense of self and step into a life of hope and wholeness.

The Body Remembers: How Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life

You may not think of yourself as a trauma survivor. Maybe you didn’t experience a major accident, war, or natural disaster. But trauma isn’t always a single catastrophic event, sometimes it’s chronic stress, a painful relationship, childhood neglect, or moments when you felt unsafe and alone.

What many people don’t realize is that trauma doesn’t just live in memory. It lives in the body. Long after the event has passed, the nervous system remembers. And those memories show up in everyday life in ways that can be confusing, frustrating, or overwhelming.

Everyday Signs of a Nervous System on Alert

Trauma activates the body’s survival system. When that system never fully resets, it can show up like this:

• Startle responses – jumping at sudden noises or movements

• Tightness in the chest or stomach – feeling “on edge” even in safe moments

• Trouble sleeping – difficulty falling asleep or waking up in the night

• Irritability or reactivity – snapping at loved ones without knowing why

• Difficulty concentrating – brain fog, forgetfulness, or zoning out

• Numbing out – disconnecting from emotions or avoiding situations that feel overwhelming

These symptoms aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs that your body is still trying to protect you.

Why the Body Holds On

Unfortunately the past doesn’t just vanish, it often gets replayed. Early experiences shape how we view ourselves, others, and the world. When trauma happens, especially in relationships, the nervous system encodes “templates” for safety and danger.

This is why someone who grew up walking on eggshells around a volatile parent might still feel anxious when their partner raises a voice, even if no harm is present. The body says, “I know this. I’ve been here before. Protect.”

In EMDR and other trauma therapies, we work with this embodied memory directly. The goal isn’t just to talk about what happened, but to help the nervous system finally release what it’s been holding.

Healing: From Survival to Safety

The good news is that what is wired in can be rewired. Healing is about moving from survival mode into a sense of safety and connection. In therapy, that often means:

• Naming what the body is saying – learning to recognize triggers and body signals

• Reprocessing traumatic memories – with tools like EMDR to release the nervous system’s grip

• Rewriting relational patterns – practicing new ways of connecting that feel safe and secure

• Building self-compassion – shifting from “what’s wrong with me?” to “my body is trying to protect me.”

Over time, people notice that they’re less reactive, more grounded, and able to experience joy, intimacy, and calm without the constant background hum of hypervigilance.

A Note of Hope

If you see yourself in these descriptions, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body has been protecting you in the only way it knew how. Healing is possible. With the right support, the body can learn a new language, one of safety, freedom, and connection.

The body remembers, and it can also relearn.

What is Freedom?

“I just want to be free.”
I’ve heard this sentence whispered with longing, spoken in frustration, shouted in protest. It shows up in the therapy room as people wrestle with relationships, obligations, shame, history.

But what do we really mean when we say we want freedom?

In our culture, we often imagine freedom as an escape: from rules, expectations, burdens. The lone figure walking away from it all. The clean break. The weight lifted.

But from a therapist perspective, freedom is not about walking away, it's about showing up. More specifically, it's about showing up as oneself, in relationship, without being hijacked by the ghosts of past relationships.

Freedom Isn’t Solitude. It’s Selfhood in Connection

We are never fully separate. From the moment we’re born, our sense of who we are is shaped in relationship. We learn early, many times before we even speak, how much of ourselves is welcome, how much is too much, and which parts we have to hide in order to belong.

Those early adaptations often follow us into adulthood. We might smile when we’re hurting. We might go quiet when something matters. We might fuse with the needs of others and call it love.

In these moments, we’re not free. We’re loyal. We’re surviving.

So in therapy, I don’t help people break free from relationship. I help people reclaim themselves within it.

Freedom Is Saying What You’ve Never Said, And Staying Present

When working with people, I often slow things down. We become curious not just about the story a person is telling, but about what’s happening between us in the telling. Where do they look away? When does their voice drop? What are they protecting?

Freedom might look like a client saying, “I’m scared to tell you this because I think you’ll be disappointed.”

Or, “I’m angry at you for not understanding me last week.”

Or even, “I have no idea what I feel. Can we sit in the not-knowing?”

Each of those moments is a quiet revolution. A departure from the old dance. A turning point where the client notices the urge to hide, and chooses to stay visible.

Freedom Is Living Beyond the Repetition

So often we’re stuck in relational loops that don’t belong to the present moment. We repeat patterns with partners, friends, even therapists. patterns that are often rooted in early wounds.

Freedom is not found in pretending those patterns don’t exist. It’s in seeing them as they’re happening. And then consciously, vulnerably, with full presence, choosing to do something new.

To speak instead of shrink.
To stay instead of bolt.
To feel instead of numb.

Freedom Is Mutual Recognition

Therapists like Jessica Benjamin describe freedom as the ability to be both a self and an other in relationship. Not merged. Not dominating. Not disappearing.

That means I don’t just get to be me, I also have to let you be you.

And that’s where real freedom gets tested. Because being a full self while staying connected to another full self? That’s not easy. But it is profoundly human.

So, What Is Freedom?

It’s not about being untouched or uninfluenced.
It’s not about independence at the cost of intimacy.
And it’s definitely not about winning or being right.

Freedom is the ability to be in relationship without losing yourself.

It’s the courage to stay open, even when the past tells you to shut down.
It’s the strength to speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.
It’s the slow, unfolding possibility of becoming who you are, in the presence of another who sees you.

And maybe, in the end, that’s what we really want when we say, “I just want to be free.”
Not to be alone.
But to be known.

The Myth of the Perfect Fit: Why Healthy Relationships Need Friction

I cant tell you how many times I’ve heard couples say something like this:

“Why is this relationship so hard!”

“Why can’t they just meet my need without me telling them?”

“If they could just understand me…”

I get it. We all grow up with some version of the idea that the “right” relationship should feel effortless. That we are supposed to find “the person,” to fall in love with, and everything just works.

But the truth of it is, healthy love needs friction.

Friction is not necessarily a sign that things are broken or wrong. It’s often the substance that creates relationships to grow.

Where the “Perfect Fit” Fantasy Comes From

Many of us enter relationships carrying hopes that we are not even fully aware of. Deep down, we might be longing for someone who just “gets us” without us needing to explain. Someone who will soothe our fears, meet our needs without asking, and understands us.

That hope often comes from very early experiences, like the times we were held, and the times we were let down. There are experiences from childhood that tell us, “Maybe this time, it will different. Maybe this time, I’ll get what I didn’t get.”

It’s tender. It’s human. And it’s also a fantasy. No partner, no matter how loving and connected they are, can fully meet our needs. But every fantasy tells a story of deep meaning and longing.

Friction is Where Growth Happens

What looks like “we are not a perfect match,” is often just two people bumping into each other’s stories. One person might pull away when they feel overwhelmed. The other might reach for closeness when they are scared. Both reactions make sense in context, but without understanding, they can feel like rejection or attack.

That bump, what we often call conflict or misalignment, isn’t a flaw in the relationship. It’s the start of a deeper conversation. It’s the chance to ask:

What is this really about?

When couples can get curious instead of reactive, friction becomes an opportunity not a threat.

Letting Go of the Fantasy

Loving someone means you’re going to hurt each other sometimes. Not intentionally hurt each other, but because you are human, and you are two different people, with two different stories, and you both have lived through pain, it’s inevitable.

But it also means you have the chance to show up in ways that maybe no one has before. To listen more deeply. To slow down. To stay emotionally present when things get hard.

And over time, that kind of love can start to rewrite old stories, not by being perfect, but by being willing to stay connected, present, and open.

Love That Includes Friction

The kind of love that really changes us isn’t about seamless compatibility. Let’s be honest eventually that would get boring and dull. It’s about having the courage to stay connected even when it’s messy. Especially when it’s messy.

The rub is where your story meet’s your partner’s story. Where old wounds collide. Where something vulnerable longs to be seen.

And when you both choose to stay open, curious, and kind, you are not just building a relationship. You are building something deep and healthy.

Ready to Grow Through the Friction

If you and your partner are stuck in a loop, or feel like you keep hitting a wall, you are not alone and you are not broken. This might actually be the doorway into something deeper and more meaningful.

I specialize in helping couples navigate these turning points with compassion and depth. If you are ready to explore the emotional undercurrents in your relationship and reconnect in a more meaningful way, I am here to help.

Feel free to reach out for a free consultation.

You don’t need a perfect fit, you just need two willing hearts and a safe space to do the work.